The movies and media have drilled into us that an initial attraction and connection are the most important things when it comes to looking for a partner. The danger of that is that you can have an initial attraction and connection with someone who does not even kind of meet your expectations of a partner in a relationship. Attraction and connection should be just a few things on a whole list of non-negotiables that you require from a partner.
What are your non-negotiables?
Everyone should have roughly the same non-negotiables. If you, yourself are capable of being in a mature relationship, you can offer these same things to a partner:
- Honesty
- Kindness
- Compassion
- Empathy
- Caring
- Consistent
- Open-communication
- Independence
- Respect for others
- Strong values
Many of us find ourselves creating a picture of someone who we have a connection with. We might fantasize about a future with them way before we get to know them well enough to see the real them. Doing this might create a false sense of trust. The key is to have firm standards and boundaries, and wait for someone to prove to you that they do meet your standards, and that they will respect your boundaries. A connection is not the only important factor in a partner. If you want to be sure that you are finding someone that is worthy of being a long term partner, you have to be patient. Your attachment style, and blue print for relationships, which are both a product of your upbringing, will also impact the kind of partners you are attracted to. It is important to always ask yourself if this person actually matches what you are looking for, or if their patterns are just familiar because they are similar to the ones you grew up with.
When I decided I was ready to start looking for a long-term partner, I decided to go into it with my eyes wide open. I used the list above, among other standards that I would not budge on. I decided that this time, I would not allow myself to look past major red flags. The moment I made the decision that I was worthy of a partner who could offer the same kind of relationship to me that I could offer to them, was when I met my now fiancé! If you are ready to start setting your standards, and finally attract the kind of party you have been wanting, contact me for a FREE consultation.