If you are currently seeing a mental health professional, congrats on taking a major step towards taking care of your mental health. Consistent sessions with a therapist can be an invaluable investment in your life. Sometimes, the health of your relationships, career success, and ability to achieve goals can hinge on having the professional help you need to uncover certain patterns, and wounds that you might have. As a therapist, I myself see a therapist and believe that it plays a major role in my ability to fully support my clients. While this is a huge part of taking care of your mental health, your healing may be slow, or non-existent if you are not doing the work you need to do outside of therapy. Mental health is a holistic issue. You cannot hold on to self sabotaging behaviors, and magically get better just because you are seeing a therapist. Your therapist may provide you with tasks, and direction for what you can be doing outside of therapy, but what you do with your time outside of therapy is entirely up to you. I want to provide you some guidance from a therapists perspective, of what I hope my clients are doing for themselves, and what I do for myself to get the most out of my therapy experience.
Boundary Setting
I put this as number 1 for a reason. If you have people in your life that are consistently making your life more difficult, or treating you in a way that triggers you, you have to start setting boundaries with them. If you have the ability to distance yourself from these people, or limit their access to you, start there. Another option is to start telling them “what you are doing/ how you are speaking to me is hurtful and I will no longer tolerate it. When you are ready to have a conversation with me respectfully, I would be happy to work this out.” Then excuse yourself. This can work in many different situation, but the most important part is that it shows the other person that they do not have permission to interact with you unless they can do so in a calm, respectful manner.
Self Care
This might look different for everyone. For most, it looks like giving yourself permission to do whatever you need to do to recharge. If that means taking a day off of work, getting a babysitter, and just staying in bed the whole day then do it! Sometimes life keeps piling onto us and little by little our cup gets depleted. Many people, especially women, find themselves tending to so many other people’s needs and neglecting their own. This can lead to irritability that can spill over into your interactions with others. In order to be the best version of yourself for you, and for everyone else in your life that you love, you have to take care of yourself. Most importantly, YOU ARE NOT SELFISH FOR TAKING TIME FOR YOU!
Exercise
Another form of self care! Being sedentary is not only bad for us physically, but it also impacts our mental health. Studies show that the longer you are sedentary, the more your risk of anxiety, depression, and sleep disorders will increase. On top of that, when you are sedentary, you are not producing endorphins which increases feelings of happiness and well-being. You do not have to go to the gym every single day, you simply have to find some way for you to move more. That could mean taking walks with your partner in the evenings, taking the stairs instead of elevator in your office, and getting up each hour to stretch and walk around. Whatever it looks like for you, you have got to get yourself up!
Eating Well
My personal favorite. Let me preface this by saying that this does not mean you need to diet. I will never encourage food restriction. However, what you eat MATTERS! Start including more fruits and vegetables in your diet. It is easier to include, or substitute something rather than eliminating something so start by having at least one extra serving of fruit and one extra serving of veggies each day. You should still enjoy the fun foods from time to time, however, they should not be a daily occurrence. To learn more about why this is so important, check out my blog post on gut health!
Minimizing Clutter
Your environment has a massive impact on your mental health. Sometimes your environment can even be a reflection of your current mental health. I want you to assess your home, office, car, etc. Is it messy and full of random stuff you do not need? Do you find yourself holding on to too much stuff? Start throwing stuff out or donating things you do not need little by little. Once you find yourself holding on only to the things you need or that are meaningful to you, you will find that you start to feel lighter mentally as well.
Meditation
My favorite quote by Gabby Bernstein is “You should sit in meditation for twenty minutes everyday- unless you’re too busy; then you should sit for an hour.” While I don’t necessarily agree that you need to meditate for an hour, I do agree that if your life feels hectic enough that you don’t feel you can dedicate 20 minutes to your mental health, you more than anyone else, needs to take that time for yourself. Meditation can help you re-center, become more calm, and more prepared to handle stress. Mediation is difficult at first, but if you stop putting pressure on yourself to eliminate all thoughts, and just let the thoughts flow while you notice them, then allow them to pass, you will start to see some major benefits.
Assessing Potentially Harmful Content You Are Consuming
If you are anything like me, you watch/ listen to a little too much True Crime… I promise I won’t ask you to cancel your Crime Junkie Patreon membership. However, consuming dark, and depressing content consistently is like consuming junk food consistently. You may find yourself feeling paranoid, negative or angry, or possibly even depressed and your favorite show may be to blame! Try to strike a balance between funny, uplifting content, and scary, dramatic content. Just like with everything else, moderation is key!
Examine Your Roles In Conflict With Your Spouse, Family, Or Social Group
It is easy to believe that other people are to blame for the problems that arise, but when we start to get curious about how we react, or how we might have contributed to the start of the problem, we can start to change our role in it. For example, if your spouse asks you to pick your clothes up off the floor, then you roll your eyes, then your spouse goes off on you about how you always leave your clothes everywhere, your first step can be changing how you react to them asking you to pick up your clothes. This can help open up a conversation with your spouse that can lead to some serious changes in your relationship dynamic. Let me be clear, this does not apply to victims of abuse, whether physical, verbal, or emotional. If you are not a victim of abuse, typically there is some kind of pattern that both you, and the other person are contributing to.
Be Vulnerable About What You Cover in Therapy With Your Partner
When you discover something new about yourself in therapy, or discover something from your childhood that is impacting you in adulthood, talking to your partner about it can help them understand you better, and can help them feel like a part of your therapy journey. This may also allow you to open up to them about some of the issues that play a role in your relationship, since many of our understandings about how to be in a loving relationship come from our caregivers, and past relationship experiences.
SLEEP!
I have a whole blog post about this is coming soon, illustrating how important I believe it to be. In order for your brain to properly function, it needs sleep. In order to get enough sleep, you might have to cut back on caffeine, go to bed earlier, or find a way to nap during the day but feeling well rested and clear is vital for your mental health. Imagine exploring your childhood traumas with your therapist on only a few hours of sleep! It would not be very productive. So, especially before a therapy session, make sure you feel well rested and prepared.
While seeing a therapist is a great initial step, it is only the tip of the iceberg that is the therapeutic process. I recommend all the things above to my clients and practice each and every one of them myself. If you would like to schedule an initial consultation to discuss how we can work together, don’t hesitate to contact me here or email brooke@evolutionaustintherapy.com.
